3.4 Writing Folio – Chapter One – Jack Miller

From the top of Headquarters, past the grand but solemn walls Alehx gazed upon the corpse of a once mighty city. The fourteen year-old boy squinted at the setting sun over the skeleton scattered horizon. Behind the skinny young boy, a glass door whooshed silently open, a man in an expensive suit walked through with purpose and a certain swagger that comes only with exuberant wealth and high status. He spoke to the boy with a kind, yet indifferent tone. “Have you completed your daily education?” He asked. Alehx rolled his large turquoise eyes and turned to face the man, whom was his father, “Yes sir, I have completed my daily education”, in a sarcastic tone, as, such as can be expected with a spoiled young teenager, education bored him. His father, used to, but not at all accepting this behavior, dismissed it- more important matters pressed, and time was not available to waste on such trivial matters. “Come.” He said as he ushered the boy inside. Alehx knew at once to obey this request. His father’s tone had quickly changed, now with more hints of purpose, and maybe some anxiety, which could only mean one thing.

The majesty of architecture of the modern age had certainly been diminished by an age of technology. Where once complex shapes collaborated to form beautiful and intricate functional structures, now thick brushed aluminium panels hid an equally complex, but far less visually impressive computer systems. Alehx looked around his father’s office, his eyes scanning across the room. The walls were white, just as the floor was. The massive windows that once granted one a view of the expansive outside world were now concealed with an inches thick blast shield, the overlapping steel sheets providing protection from a force Alehx was not yet aware of. He looked to the glass sliding doors, of which he knew where sealed tightly, on account of the glass being more than an inch thick, meaning it was probably just as impenetrable as the blast shield over the window. This one of the first times Alehx had been allowed had been locked in his fathers’ office during what Alehx had heard being called a “raid”. Exactly what they were, or why he had to be locked in some fortified room for them Alehx was unsure.

Being a relatively inquisitive boy by nature, Alehx began examining his surroundings. The dominant feature of the room was of course the desk that sat in the center of the room, near to the back, somewhere Alehx had impatiently watched his father work at for sometimes hours on end, especially in his younger years. The desk top itself was glass, with stainless steel rimming which flowed around the edges of the emerald glass that sat elegantly upon sturdy white legs, an aesthetic that was common in the upper levels of the Headquarters. Alehx wandered around the large desk and climbed onto the large black leather chair, who’s presence in room was powerful, an aspect that Alehx now realized was given to whomever sat in it. Filled with confidence given to him by seemingly an everyday object, the boy turned to the computer that sat upon the desk, lid up. The elegant silver edges seeming danced in the stagnant LED lighting of the room, each of its’ keys containing seemingly infinite possibility that could come with their use. Alehx reached forward to the computer his curiosity pushing through any fear he might have rightfully had regarding the consequences that would follow should he be caught. The screen lit up, and to his surprise, no password was required- his father must have left in a hurry.

On the screen Alehx saw messages, some of which he recognized to be sent from the computer he was currently using, so it was safe to assume his father was the sender. His young mind, although intelligent, was not ready for what he saw. He was grateful for the life he was living, but unable to imagine anything else. The messages- some accompanied with images that he saw showed grotesque scenes of mutilated bodies, their skin rough with rashes and boils, their bodies frail and skinny. One striking detail that he noticed was in each of the photos was a bullet hole in each of their foreheads. Alehx sat in the chair where he had only minutes ago felt a sense of power, but now felt only a strange feeling- one not quite of shame, not quite of fear, and one not quite of disgust, but a horrible mixture of all three.

Suddenly, seemingly from nowhere, someone was standing right behind the computer screen. Alehx slowly pulled his eyes from the laptop, his eyes red, close to tears to look upon the person who had come in. Before him stood a well built tall man, whom Alehx did not know personally, but it was easy to judge from his attire he was from somewhere within Headquarters. He held out his arm, which even through the silky black suit, was still visibly muscular, which was even more apparent as he gestured for Alehx to follow, an order of which he was quick to comply. Looking down at the boy the man told Alehx,”You shouldn’t be using that” to which he replied, “I know, I’m sorry”. No more words were spoken between the two, as they walked along a seemingly endless labyrinth of corridors, and much to Alehx’s dismay, avoiding elevators, instead using the stairs.

The two walked for what seemed like quite a while, and Alehx had become somewhat tired from the journey. His eyes now stung, the shock from what he had stumbled upon had combined with the harsh LED lighting of which replaced all other forms of lighting, apparently preferred because of its power efficiency, but more likely because it provided a clean and recognizable aesthetic within all company outlets. Through a set of sliding doors they walked, to a high ceiling room inside which two armed guards stood stationed at what looked like a massive vault, whose defined steel edges glinted in the dim light, its’ strength a dominant feature, easily making it the dominant feature in such a strange space. As they walked in, one of the guards reached for a slim black device of which he had a short conversation with. Moments later the vault entrance came alive, its’ powerful presence becoming even more so with the movement of massive bronze cogs being set into motion. On either side of the impenetrable door stood two stoic steel supports which framed and gave Alehx the impression he would be calling the innards of this beasts’ body for quite some time into his now uncertain future.

One Reply to “3.4 Writing Folio – Chapter One – Jack Miller”

  1. Your ideas for this piece are good, and you’ve definitely got the sense of the purpose of a first chapter.

    As you develop the piece, remember to try to implement some of the language and grammatical effects that we worked on in the lead-up to this task.

    1) Fronted prepositions – your sentences currently use a repetitive structure or formula, try using a different approach to constructing your sentences to allow you to strengthen the descriptive aspects of your setting.

    2) Complex sentences and relative clauses. Look at your sentence structures and see if you can construct sentences of these types to add more nuance to the relationships between the ideas and elements in the piece.

    3) Word choice and neologism. Ensure you’re indicating the alien, futuristic nature of the setting by selecting words, or inventing words, that suggest that something has gone awry.

    Remember that almost every detail you describe should in some way build a sense of the ‘world’ of the text, even if the deeper implications of what we read are hidden from us. This piece will be developed though careful culling of all extraneous description.

    Try to avoid writing what you’re thinking as an author, and instead let the setting do the ‘talking’.

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